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Monday, November 06, 2006 @ 3:22 PM Sometimes I feel that no matter what I do to make the pieces of the puzzle called my life come together nicely, they never will. There is a God, and He/She hates my guts. I'm currently in my last year of my bachelor degree in Ecology and Natural Resource Management, and together with my boyfriend I had planned to go take a year in Australia on a so-called working holiday. Then earlier this year, just before the summer holidays, I found out that I had to study one semester more than I had planned. Why? Because the last subjects I needed were only lectured during the autumn semester. Of course I could attempt to do them all in one semester, but the amount equated to double what's required for one semester and that simply wasn't accomplishable. It made the trip to Australia a bit harder. We couldn't postpone the trip for 6 months, as then my boyfriend couldn't go. Apparently there's some rule that you can't go on a working holiday after you're 30, and my boyfriend turns 30 in 2007, less than half a year before we were going to Australia. Either I had to do the year in Australia as planned, then study for one more semester in Norway afterwards, or I could study one semester in Australia and join my boyfriend for working and traveling afterwards. Of course I went with the last option. Remember that I'm in a long distance relationship, and I'd rather spend as little time as possible at the university here in Norway, as it requires me to go to the one I currently go to which is on the other side of the country to my boyfriend. Of course I realise that this change of plans are actually all my fault: If I had just checked when these subjects were taught and made a proper study plan early on, I wouldn't be in this position. But hindsight is perfect, or so they say, and it still didn't lessen the sense of having to give up my plan for an inferior one. Nevertheless, I got accustomed to the new plan and started looking forward to it. After all, studying in a different country is just as much of an experience as traveling around in it - maybe even better, as you get to experience more than one side of the country! Late last week, I started looking at which universities I could go to. The original list was fairly long, but I narrowed them down to those situated on the east coast (the area in which my boyfriend would stay) and removed those in the big cities (it's simply not for me). After considering my options I was left with four universities that were appealing to me, and was very satisfied. Today, I started researching the subjects they offered and whether they had the ones I need. That's when things started falling apart - again! Because while many universities offered many of the subjects I wanted (organic chemistry and/or ecology/zoology subjects), not all offered both the ones I needed (microbiology and cell biology). But I found some that might be substitutable options, but I need to refer with my study counselor which I have an appointment with in the end of this week. But worse, most of them were only offered in term 1, which is (as far as I've gathered) from March 'till the end of June! At that time I'm still doing my last semester here in Norway, and my plan was to travel to Australia midways in my summer holiday and start studying! If I could find fitting subjects in term 2 (big if!), it would divide up the time I was going to spend on working and traveling, and I'm not too fond of that thought. Or, I could work and travel around Australia the entire year, then go back to school for a semester - away from my boyfriend. Dejected, I concluded that once again I had to give up my plan for an inferior one, and my world came crashing down around me. Because I strive to make everything work out, and it never goes my way! I hate studying at this university, 500+ km away from my love, especially since I'm having my doubts about whether this is really what I want to do with my life. The only reason why I'm still here is because I feel it's nothing less than idiocy to drop out now, when I can only hold out a little more and get my bachelors degree. Since my boyfriend lives so far away, I live a very nomadic life traveling back and forth between him and university, and besides the strain of traveling so many kilometers by bus so often, I keep falling behind on my schoolwork. Which means that when I am at university, I have to cram in as much study in a short space of time, trying to cover it all. Like this weekend, I stayed home and studied from morning 'till night, only interrupted by eating and occasional small breakes spent in front of the computer. It's wearing me out! But I used to think it was worth it, as if I could keep it up for just one more school year, I would go to Australia and enjoy life with my boyfriend. And then afterwards, I would move back home with my boyfriend and we'd never have to put up with a long distance relationship again. Everything would work out and life would be great, if I just managed this last year. And now, that's all crumbling away. I feel I keep sacrificing my plans, giving and giving while never receiving. All I've learned is that being a good girl simply doesn't pay off! Having said that, after I had gathered myself and looked over my alternatives again, it doesn't really look as bleak. I'll e-mail the universities and ask if the subjects scheduled for term 1 2007 will be offered in the same term in 2008. If it is, I'll simply travel around Australia first, then study come March, before I go back home. I just lost my ability to think rationally when life threw me shit yet again. -Kerian ~
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